And action!
-You okay, dude? -I think you cut yourself. Your hand.
No, he's bleeding on his head somewhere.
See that? Someone fell right...
-Let me see your hand. -No, it's your head.
-Your head's bleeding, dude. -That's all right.
-Are you okay? -No, you probably need stitches.
-Your head's bleeding a lot. -Medic.
-Hey, you guys... Move back. -Can we get him to a doctor?
-Everybody get back. -You are bleeding.
Yeah, man, someone just piledrived my head into the concrete.
Was it the concrete or the suitcase?
I think it was Bam!
-Fuck. -He's bleeding bad.
At first it hurt
and then it kind of mellowed out a little bit,
I thought, "This won't be so bad,"
and then it got really fucking bad!
Bam can't help if he's fucking rad.
-That was a great job. -He's rad, so what?
I'm trying to slam.
-No, you can't. You're too good. -No, no. It's gonna get really good.
You're the opposite of me.
Dunn is your man when you need a closer.
From the time he shoved that car up his ass to today.
-Come through. -Yeah.
-Such a valuable player. -A real closer.
Film him walking out there 'cause I think we'll need a couple of stills.
Are you excited to be a bowling pin, Loomis?
Yeah, I feel sexy.
I feel like there's gonna be some magic happening.
We got some sort of lube.
Lots of lube spread out.
Get some good sliding with the bros.
Just all us bros sliding around in lube.
It's gonna be a blast.
It's like fucking Vietnam.
-What's that? -It's like fucking Vietnam!
With fucking lube.
-Hey. Greg, come on. Drive it. -You're right, Ehren.
The lube in my ass is the least of my problems,
and I've mixed emotions about that.
Your dick looks awesome.
Your dick does look rad, like.
-Does it look rad? -Yeah.
Very cool.
James Dean, very cool.
What, have you never seen this before?
Hey, astronaut, beat it.
How many astronauts you seen in flip-flops, anyway?
Of course it's gonna go wrong.
Hut!
-Ready, set, go! -Move it out!
-Yeah! -Move it out!
Yeah, keep going.
Action.
-Now it's time to see... -What was that?
Hey, we're filming, guys. Come on!
Shit!
-Listen, I... -What did you do to me?
We're rolling. Let's do it again. Ready?
-You guys cool? -I don't know.
-He just did something to my neck. -They're not cool with each other.
What did you do?
What did you do, O?
What did you do? I don't understand.
It hurt.
Dave, come on. You're holding up the movie.
-What is happening? -Felt something, dude?
I don't understand what happened.
-Did you poke me with a needle? -Welcome to the world of AIDS.
Go!
Doing good!
All right!
Yeah!
No, wait!
Stop! Stop!
His goggles are off.
-Somebody got me in the nuts. -That was me, actually.
Can we cuss on this movie? I know we're showing a lot of cock,
but is that gonna drive it over the edge?
I've never done anything like this, man.
Well, me neither. I mean, who the... Like...
Why would you?
That looks good to me.
What's causing...
-That's PJ. -It's just PJ.
This tree isn't causing...
Yeah, we good?
-Preston, you're perfect. -Yeah, let's go, let's go.
Come here a second.
-Oh, God. -No!
Oh, my God!
Fuck!
That was so fucked up. Oh, my gosh.
Shit, that worked.
That totally worked.
Oh, my God. I had no fucking idea. Jesus!
Those nuts are calloused.
That's the only thing that might save them.
That hard outer shell.
Why is only one irritated?
Oh, boy!
-Don't hold on to me! -Don't touch him.
Shit!
Fuck!
Shit, no more.
Fuck. Goddamn, that's fucked.
All right, ready?
This is the Belt Sander Skateboard. Hit it.
I'm Brandon Novak, and this is Belt Sander Skates.
Hit it!
-All right! -He did it good!
-You fucking landed it. -Dude, you fucking landed it, kind of.
-What's your name? -Alfred.
-Alfred, how are you? -I'm fine.
-Do you like music? -Yes.
Can I sing you a song?
Sorry, I don't speak English very well.
-Okay, I'll sing you a song, ready? -Bye.
Old lady on the street With the new friend she meets
He likes her He looks in her eye
And tells her she's beautiful
-Go ahead, tell me. -I'll see you later.
-Do you think I'm beautiful? -Yeah.
-All right. Thank you. -Bye.
Bye.
-I'll see you later. -When?
-Sorry. -Soon?
Yes.
Okay, here you go.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Once a...
Excuse me, sir. Will you hand me him?
His name's Roberto.
We're lovers.
-Everyone do one more. -Yeah.
Come on, Ehren.
I'm gonna get a Nazi suit.
Look at his shit.
Fucking ew!
-That's gross. -Oh, man!
That sucked.
Will you grab me one of the...
Will you toss me the toilet paper or the paper towels?
'Cause I don't wanna lose this in case something funny comes...
-You just do that? -Yeah.
Yeah, we had a midget doing the measuring
and I think that he screwed up.
I think Steve-O actually won it.
Jesus!
What the hell!
Damn.
How did that go?
He went for it!
Do you wanna try it again?
Swing your legs out.
So this is...
Every day, so far, the past week,
has been something to do with beating up my pecker.
And today, they've got some bird,
a woodpecker.
He's gonna peck through the wood and then, eventually, fuck up my cock
some more.
As if yesterday's stretch wasn't enough.
Or the mousetrap the day before.
Or the mousetrap attempt, the day before that.
Or just my behaviour in my private life.
I mean, as funny as balls look,
you'd look really funny without them.
-It's true. -That's one mean bird.
No! Mean people, like.
And me, dumb, being tricked into this.
I didn't think about the woodpecker would get through the wood.
I did not think about that at all.
-There was no thought of that? -No!
-What did you think he was gonna do? -I thought he'd just peck at the wood.
I didn't realise that he'd get through to the other side.
-I should've. -No, no. That's fine.
It's that kind of thinking that gets us good bits.
Yeah.
Come on, one more.
-One more. -No, no!
-One more, one more. -I'm bleeding already!
-Come on. One more. -I don't like...
Don't touch the birdie.
-One more... -Put your hand on top of your head.
We already did one more!
Put your hand on top of your head.
-Okay, just the middle? -Nah.
Come on. Come on, little buddy.
I'm over it.
That's a good boy. That's a good boy.
Yes, that's a good boy.
It's the weirdest thing. You play with fire, you get burned.
Fuck!
-Does it hurt? -Yeah.
The hollow-point dildos.
Will you show us how you do it?
-Oh, my God! -Okay.
Bam, get your ass over here.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
What about rocket ass?
Bam, I'm just putting the head of it in.
That thing's so fast.
It has lube. It has lube on it.
We've established that you don't really want it.
It can't hurt any worse than going poop.
It's like going poop in reverse. That's all you're doing.
That thing went at like a thousand miles an hour.
-Pooing is relaxing. -It'll be over quick.
How did I sign up for this?
I was just sitting here, peacefully.
Bam, the chance of it going in is slim.
It's like shooting pool with a rope.
The whole moral of the story is that
I'm gonna have to keep doing it until I get hit.
It's like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank.
Look, look. It's not going in.
Can't Novak do this or something?
-Like that. -Get your ass up there.
To think that this is predicted to be number one movie in America.
Probably the...
-You know what I'm saying? -Fuck that shit!
Are we desperate or what?
...90-degree angle. I don't want it to hit your...
-You'll be like this. -Yeah.
This is what the world has come to.
Sodomy.
You don't worry about that...
I feel really bad that April is having to stand here for this bit.
Yeah, I got all this lube all over me.
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't put lube on your mom. Jeez.
That's where it gets tasteless.
Let's go.
-Spread your fucking legs! -I'm gonna.
This is the Flying Nut High-Five.
Run into it a little bit, Ehren. Run into it.
Fuck.
It's so hard to pull off.
I think I got kicked in the face, though.
You didn't commit.
Keep rolling on him, guys.
...on that jet ski, use Preston's head...
Oh, my God!
All right. It's Loomis' turn.
You're already electrified right there.
Oh, my God.
-Are you all right, buddy? -Oh, my God.
A and C, mark.
You know what we have here, guys?
We have two professionals at the top of their game
ready to go.
-It's fucking dirty needle time over here. -He's like a grouchy sunflower.
Preston needs some sunscreen right now, too.
Rick! Dude!
I'm trying to make a movie, dude.
Chris is peeing over there.
You know why thunder comes after lightning?
-Like, way after, sometimes? -Why?
'Cause even God needs to wait for sound.
What the fuck is that?
Jesus Christ!
Cordell, you are a motherfucker.
You are a motherfucker.
That's called the Large Marge.
I thought I was so out of reach of you, you fucker!
Oh, my God, you sat down?
Look at what's in my hand.
You're just sitting there, eating an apple, sitting down.
I thought you were too... I didn't realise how long that thing was.
Thank God.
I remember when I was the gay one on the show,
but the disease spread like wildfire
through the whole cast,
until the entire group of boys was batting for the pink team.